Have you ever had a horrible day where nothing goes right? Take that and multiple it by 365 days and you have my life. I grew up thinking I was worthless, stupid, and wrong for feeling the way I did. When I finally went to the doctor to get my diagnosis I had no idea what would happen. I went through 3 antidepressants before I found one that didn’t either A. make me want to kill myself and B. Make me feel nothing at all. I needed an in between pill. Something where I could cry if it was appropriate and be sad and mad at appropriate times. Here I was a junior in college crying for no reason at all, or yelling at someone because I didn’t know what else to do. Needless to say I found my medicine. I cried when I needed it, and was mad for good reasons. That lasted maybe 3 ish years. It just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I had become immune to what was once helping me. Where did I go then you ask? I went to a psychiatrist. He put me on two more medications plus bumping up the dosage on my current one. I felt nothing. When I say nothing I mean no feelings, no crying, no happy, no sad, nothing. I tried getting him to get rid of some of the medications as I knew these definitely weren’t helping. This man flat out told me that I needed to be on these the rest of my life and we would just keep adding on medications. Needless to say that was the last visit I had with him. My primary doc helped me wean off those medications and we changed to a different antidepressant all together. It worked! But not to the point I needed it to. So we add another medication along with it. So let’s count shall we? I take two medications in the morning and my sleeping pill at night. Anxiety became a living nightmare for me in the past two years and we add yet another medication for that.
You may think of the side effects of medications and think those won’t happen to me. That’s almost impossible. Well guess again folks, it happens. Apparently I have the type of depression that when I get an episode all I want to do is eat. And the medications they gave me weren’t for that type of depression. So here I am feeling better because of the meds but gaining weight because all I want to do it eat. Warning, do not drink while taking medications! Yes, you would think that’s easy, don’t drink. Wrong. I’m 25 of course I want to drink and have fun with my friends. Don’t do it. I repeat do not drink! It turns bad quickly. You may have suicidal ideations. This is true, oh so true. Get off those medications now! Like yesterday now! You want to have special times with your significant other? Try again. Some medications make bedroom time hard to do. It’s okay. It’s all okay because medicine is helping you. Right?
Wrong. These side effects are the worst. They make me more anxious and more depressed and it becomes a vicious cycle. So when someone says I’m on medicine for my anxiety or depression don’t automatically think they are fine and dandy. They probably aren’t. They are probably having side effects that are making parts of their life more difficult. They might need a friend. Be there and help them through.
Peace and love my people ✌🏻💕