Self lo…

Do you think it’s easy to love yourself or loath yourself? Some would say love other loath. It all depends on your perspective. If you ask me the answer would be loath.

I don’t love myself. It’s hard to. It is however easy to think badly upon myself, tell myself that I’m worthless that no one loves me. It’s easy to say everything bad that has ever happened in my life was my fault. Heck, I blamed myself for a car accident my mom got into when I was like 5 and I wasn’t anywhere near her.

Its not easy for me to love myself. To say I look beautiful, to say I’m worth it. Nine times out of ten I’ll tell you I hate myself. That I’ve come to nothing. Accomplished nothing, even though I have 3 degrees sitting behind me and working on a 4th. But those degrees are either associates or a certificate. I’m starting a bachelors degree at age 26 guys. That’s not how this works, that’s not how any of this works.

Well for me it does. And it’s hard to see that. I see people younger than me and even my sister who is 23 getting a bachelors degrees or masters and here I sit. I’m no good I tell myself constantly. I know it’s okay to get a degree when you’re older. I know it makes me no less of a person, but guess what? My brain irrational part of my brain doesn’t think that.

I think the worst part of having depression and anxiety and being in a health related field and have taken so many psych classes it makes this more difficult. I know rationally what I should be doing and thinking. On the irrational side though I’m freaking out. I’m not thinking rationally even though I’m telling myself what’s going on. Do you know how scary that is? How creepy that is?

If you take anything from this post I hope it’s your need to love yourself. Don’t take pointers from me, I’m still learning, but with a guy in my life like Terry I’m slowly but surely learning that I’m really not half bad.

Peace and love my friends ✌🏻💕

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