Tired

I haven’t wrote in a while and you know why? Nursing school, work, life. I’m tired y’all, so tired.

My mentality is tired, my emotions are tired, my body is tired. I’m one month into nursing school and I’m already whipped. I work full time, school full time, do my laundry, dishes, try to have food here for Terry and I. It’s rough guys. Super rough.

I quit a depression med because it was making me more hungry all the time. Gaining weight from stress, eating, and still my depression gets worse. So what do I do? I risk my mental health to try and better my physical body. I’m disgusted with myself and the way I look, how I feel. I can’t tell you how difficult it is. How hard it is to want to get up everyday.

It’s not easy guys. I want to give up everyday. I tell myself everyday how worthless I am. That I’m not going to succeed. I’m never going to lose that weight and I’ll be second best forever. You’d be surprised how many people I feel second best to in my life. How many of those people make me feel like complete shit everyday. Guess what? Most of those people I can’t get away from? I don’t get a choice unless I want to loose those closest to me.

This isn’t a post to be happy or give you words of encouragement. This isn’t a post to make you feel sorry for me. This isn’t a post to be cheery. It’s a post to be raw, to be truthful. To be real and what I’m feeling right now. This isn’t a joke or fake. I’m literally feeling like crap at this moment and you all are hearing about it first hand.

Peace and love friends. ✌🏻💕

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