Today I feel…

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Do you ever get those days where you wake up feeling like a shell of a body with nothing in it? Yeah neither do I. Actually, I wake up like this most days.

I went to clinical this morning and just taking care of my patients made my day better, seeing my blog be featured on mentalhealthathome.org. That was an amazing feeling. For those brief moments I felt wonderful. My patients were thankful I helped them today and I had people telling me they were proud of how brave I was to share my story.

Then that nothing feeling set in. It’s like you see or hear something and it just ruins your day. That happens a lot. I felt like I was moving through motions. I had faked laughed with my friends and faked smiles almost all day. I fooled them because you would never guess I was faking.

I shared with my parents about my blog being featured today and I got an ok and a why do you have to share your private stuff with the world. Now guys that hurt. I basically told my mom I’ll only call when I have bland news for them. Today I broke though. I needed my dad. I called him on my way home from clinical. Mind you I do this literally almost every day be it going home from school going or coming home from work. Literally every day. Dad acted like nothing had happened and I didn’t hang up on him the other night out of frustration. We had our conversations. Told him about my day him asking what things meant because he doesn’t speak medical talk. Me asking how the pup was doing because I miss her about as much as I miss my dad. He told me about something I should look up which is a daily thing. Dad made me feel again guys.

Granted this feel again was sadness because I missed him and wished I was closer. Sadness for not having enough time for anything not school or work related. Sadness that I just feel like a failure all the time. But then dad said he loved me first which I normally beat him to it. I had a burst of love shot into my heart as we said goodbye. You bet your butt I sang my heart out loud and proud the rest of the way home.

It’s crazy how a phone call, a talk with someone can change your entire day. The fact I spent most of my day actually wanting to crawl into a hole and die and flipping it to love all because of a conversation with my dad. Yeah I’m a daddy’s girl and I’m okay with that. I shared about my weight loss adventure I’m getting ready to start and he was very interested, even though he asked me like 5 times who Nicole was (my cousin on his side 🤦🏼‍♀️)

I know this blog makes no sense. But my brain doesn’t make sense half the time and I go with it’s flow instead of trying to co trip it. Have a wonderful evening my friends and remember if you need an ear or should or anything I’m always here.

Peace and love ✌🏻💕

2 thoughts on “Today I feel…

  1. That sucks that your parents responded that way. That idea that you should keep your personal stuff to yourself is so damaging when it comes to mental health.

    I’m glad you had a good conversation with your dad. And it doesn’t sound to me like you’re a failure; it sounds like things are hard and you’re fighting through anyway, xo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You can mend with time, love, and trauma aware care. You didn’t deserve the abuse and you can rebuild your life. Thank you for sharing your story over at Mental Health @ Home. I’m so sorry your parents responded that way – they should have been encouraging and proud that you are sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

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