I need sleep. All.the.time. When I say I could sleep for days straight I’m not lying. I used to be that person who when my head hit the pillow I was out. It took me nothing to fall asleep. I don’t know when or what changed but one day all of a sudden it took my hours to fall asleep.
My anxiety started crawling higher and higher causing me to worry about the tiniest to the biggest things from what I would wear to school the next day to what if my dad died overnight. Yes, I was that kid.
My dad was still traveling and working so there were weeks where he was out of town and I think that might be where it started. When he was home I would have to wait until I heard the tv go off the lights go out and to hear him go to bed before I could even think about settling in for the night. My fear of my dad dying overtook my entire brain. I don’t know why or what caused it but that’s how it was.
I ended up getting put on sleeping pills when I was diagnosed with MDD and anxiety disorder. They helped but those fears were still there. It’s been years now and I still will fight sleep fight my sleeping pill. I’ve now since switched to Zyprexa in place of my trazodone and I fall asleep quicker than usual. I now worry about something horrible happening with Terry and my dad still. I fight daily with my sleep and my fears and no matter the medication I wake up in a sweat or have horrible nightmares where I wake up in a panic. But I take it day by day and I’m hoping something positive comes out of it.