I’m scared…. of myself?

Have you ever just woke up one day and was afraid of yourself? Your brain, your thoughts, every single breath? Do you know how scary it is to have a mini panic attack every time you take a breath? You have one single thought and you start to sweat and your heart starts to race just because you thought about plans for the night or what I’m doing the next day. Crying randomly because of a tv show or reading something that upsets you. Just being scared to breathe.

I feel like my anxiety is pushing through everything I’m trying to accomplish. I can’t focus in school, I can’t focus on daily household activities. I just want to sleep, cuddle a dog, be normal. My chest literally hurts to breathe. Every thought circles to death how scared I am of it. My grades are suffering, my life. That fake smile is coming back no matter if I took my meds or not. I hate this side of my life and it feels like I’m sinking deeper and deeper into nothingness.

It’s so hard to put into words how I’m feeling to those who love me, who care and want to help. It all comes out as I’m just upset or it’s not a good day. So here it is my loving friends and family. I’ve sunk. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m failing myself my family and Terry. I don’t want to finish school. I just want it to be over with. The stress the drama everything. I’m too old for high school crap and I feel that’s what I live everyday. Flashbacks PTSD bad dreams. Feeling like vomiting every single second of every single day…

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